Plot Development

The following is a short text exchange between me and my authorial sounding board.

me: I’ve had a diabolical thought

friend: What is that?

me: [REDACTED] may have to die at the end.

friend: Um

me: hahahahaha
do you disagree?

friend: Of course I disagree!
I don’t want him to die!

me: i know.
i don’t want him to die either. this is just one possible ending.

friend: Ok

me: but the diabolical part of me is like “Ha! You readers thought he was safe because i pretended to kill him before, but now he’s actually dead. You oughta see your faces!”
“mwhaha. haha. ha.”
“awwww. Bye, [REDACTED].”

friend: You are so damn mean

me: I AM


YouTube, Lee Pace, and strange thoughts

The following is a text conversation, word for word, between me and a friend. Context: I’d become distracted by video clips on YouTube.

Me: YouTube has a siren song and i keep getting drawn in to clips. I just binged on Hobbit interview clips.

Me: Lee Pace is constantly slouching to be in the shot with his costars. And all you ever see of his legs are these massive thighs, because the rest go out of the frame. it’s ridiculous. he makes himself as small as possible, and I want to hug him and tell him to sit up straight.

Me: …i realize i notice the weirdest shit about actors. Tom’s* hands. Lee’s thighs. The list goes on.

Friend: Hahaha

Me: Does that just make me detail oriented? that’s what i delude myself with.

Friend: Yes.

Me: Ok good. I have decided that if I ever get the opportunity to interview lee pace in a group with shorter humans, I’m making the wee ones sit on phone books so the poor man can sit straight.

Friend: That would be very nice of you.

Me: Hahaha, I’m so considerate.

Thus ends our conversation. It occurs to me now that the conversation implies I think Mr. Pace has thunder thighs. That is not my intention. You have beautiful thighs, Lee.


Happy New Year, my doves!

*Hiddleston, obviously.

My beautiful mess of a manuscript

Hello, my hearts!  I’ve been working hard the past week or so to knock out the first round of continuity edits on the Viking novella, insert some new scenes, and start the second round of continuity edits.

Yes, I know, there are a lot of continuity edits. That’s what happens when you decide the back story of a couple of characters needs overhauling and the villain needs to be not only villainous, but also a heinous monstrosity. Things get a mite jumbled.

Basically, I feel like all my words are turning on me in a fit of pointy, grammatically incorrect rage.

But maybe, if we all cross our fingers, MAYBE I’ll be ready for beta readers by the beginning of fall.

My current struggles involve the following:

–       Alternate history fantasy VS. Historical fantasy. Yes, I am aware maybe I should have figured that out at the beginning of the story. Yes, it happened because I was doing research on an as-needed basis. I told you once already, I do things the hard way.

  • Sub-issue: Historically plausible weapons and body armor for men and women. All from the same time period.

–       Geography. Nothing is ever where I think it is, even in my brain.

–       The love story. Kind of needs to be there or else character motivations go all wonky, but I can’t. I can’t even right now, you guys.

–       THE TROPES. Holy God, there was one that just appeared out of nowhere to mock me, I didn’t even realize it was a trope even though it’s a HUGE, GLARING CLICHÉ OF A TROPE. Is there a twelve-step program for this?

  • Twitter led me to discover this. Twitter is the bane of my existence, and my savior.

–       One of the bad guys is, like, superfluous. But the thing is, he is also a fulcrum of the story. Conundrum.

I could really go on and on. I know it sounds as though I should just scrap the whole thing and start over, but I really like this story, and it can work and be excellent. It just has a lot of kinks.

Kind of like when you are remodeling your house, and you start tearing down drywall to put up the new stuff and lo, there’s mold, dry rot, wonky electrical wiring, and possibly a nest of mutant, rabid opossums. BUT. But. Get all those things straightened out, maybe replace a few 2x4s, and the house becomes your dream home. It sparkles.

You can see the potential the whole time even though the mutant opossums are staring at you with dead, hungry eyes.

It’s a beautiful mess.

Vikings Fight Quick and Dirty

…just like all the other true swordsmen.

Fighting was nothing like what you see in Hollywood. You were either quick, or you were dead. Very dead, very fast.

I took a historical swordsmanship class a few years ago and learned basic stances and techniques for the two-handed sword and rapier. Our coach let us know that if you didn’t kill your opponent within (about) the first three hits, you were the one that was dead. It was a pretty cool class to take–I recommend all my fellow fantasy writers who are physically capable of taking such a class to go ahead and do that, or even just observe one.

Or, if you lack the funds or classroom opportunities, watch awesome videos like this:

Neat, huh?

Hey ladies, how about that eye candy, eh? I provide entertainment for all. Men: swords. Ladies: hot blonde guys.

I’m going have to go through their other video clips for reference on my Viking novella. Yeah. That’s why…